Personal Revelation

It happened.  The moment I've been waiting for...The General Conference Addresses came in this month's Ensign!!!  Kailee pulled it out of the mailbox a couple days ago and I finally started reading it.  I love hearing the words of our latter day prophet and church leaders.  Last fall, Jared & I tried to read 1 talk a night together, which was wonderful, but I think with his busy schedule these next few weeks with teaching early morning seminary, school, & lessons... I think I'll start reading it on my own.

One of the 1st talks is by the Relief Society General President, Julie B. Beck, and I REALLY loved this talk b/c it totally applies to my life not only right now, but forever.  You can find this talk at http://www.lds.org/.  Click on General Conference Addresses.  This talk describes a typical good woman and how we can receive personal revelation to guide us in our lives.  "Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things.  When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed."  Even when we're tired and the kids are going crazy.  If we stay calm, the Spirit will guide us.  "Personal Revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help."  The Lord's Spirit will "enlighten our minds, fill our souls with joy, and help us know all things we should do.  Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us."  This is so true.  This is a bit personal, but I'll share anyways.  :)  Allie, as you know is almost 2 years old.  I totally want a 3rd baby and was thinking we'd start trying again when she turns 2 (told I had to wait this long in order to try for a VBACK.  Plus with my painful varicose veins, I can't get pregnant until I'm no longer having to hold Allie all the time). Jared said... I'm ready whenever you are... you're the one that has to get up tons during the night :)  So, excited at the thought of getting pregnant in August or September, I started to pray and ponder a lot on the matter.  A newborn sounds so fun and the thought of 3 little kiddos playing together sounds so wonderful!  But something just never sat right, still doesn't.  With our girls, we had that great feeling like it was the time!!!  But we aren't having that same feeling now...it's more like a stupor of thought.  All I can think about is Allie and how difficult she is sometimes.  She is a very strong willed child and I honestly feel she needs my guidance and direction right now.  Her 2nd & 3rd year are crucial and I'd hate to neglect her when she needs me most.  Let's face it, babies take A LOT of our time and attention.  Even after having these thoughts, I kindof brushed them aside and thought... people do it all the time... I'm tough, I can handle it, things will workout, Allie will be fine, I want another baby..... then what happened?  I got SUPER sick... Sinus infection/Strep throat.  I seriously felt like I was about to die or something.  I couldn't walk without my head throbbing and it hurt SOOOO bad to swallow.  It was so hard to give Allie the attention she needed with me feeling so sick.  I thought, what if the next baby is a boy and things are different and I get SICK when I'm pregnant.... maybe the Lord is trying to tell me I should wait a little longer.  So, I finally listened to my heart and what the Heavenly Father was trying to tell me.  I kept thinking... when am I going to know... when is he going to answer my prayers and tell me yes, it's time, go for it.  Then I remembered, it's not on my time table, it's on His.  So, we've decided to wait another year.  And I feel really good about this decision.  It's nice to finally have the confirmation that we've been looking for.... that now is not a good time.  Who knows why.  Maybe my veins are going to hurt a little more than last time and I'll have to elevate my feet all the time, maybe I'll be bed ridden at some point during my next pregnancy, maybe I'll have twins, or maybe Heavenly Father knows that waiting is what Allie really needs.  I don't know the whys, but feel confident that we're doing the right thing and I trust in Heavenly Father's plan for our family.  I'm only 24, I still have time to have lots of kids, right!!!  Sorry this post is long and full of rambling thoughts.  End of the talk... last quote... "the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other (as women) is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for [our] responsibilites."  Stay tuned for the next Conference talk I read!!