Lovin Life: Hilarious

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hilarious

I found this on a friend's blog, so I thought I'd put it on mine to share with all my friends! Jared would totally agree!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listento me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

5 comments:

Kelly said...: Oh, how funny...and sad...I do that same thing to Kyle in the car! Your pics are so cute, too! I think that Allie looks a lot like you!; January 23, 2009 at 11:35 PM
JB2 said...: Shannon posted this because it accurately portrays her behavior when I am driving! I love you honey!; January 24, 2009 at 4:30 PM
Kari Walker said...: Your family is sooo cute and getting so big. We always miss you here, but I have reached my goal of going to the gym by myself still. It was always fun to go with you! Remember the pump instructor, Amy? She's pregannt...like 5 months pregnant and you can't even tell! It makes me sick!!!!; January 25, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Alissa said...: I actually laughed out loud. Funny story. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.; January 27, 2009 at 11:29 AM
♥ Jennifer said...: Aww poor husbands! haha I hope I'm not like that with Cade, although I think he feels like I am. I heard y'all recently bought a home! That's exciting, congrats!; February 7, 2009 at 11:46 PM

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Our Growing Girls!

Oct. 2012
Allie: after seeing a woman with a high bun and a bandana on her head "Mommy, why do some people wear chickens on their head?" I should've told her in case they get hungry!!

1-11 Family Scripture Study

Allie's turn to read (without being told yet what to say) "And it came to pass" Yep, she was right!

1-11 This has been going on almost daily for months... when Kailee starts to whine about something... knowing she shouldn't whine, she starts crying and really dramatically says "Mommy, I'm just sad because I miss ______." ex. Nana, Granny, Grandma, Grandaddy, Daddy,etc."

Me: I have 2 responses:

1. I give her a hug and say I know, I miss ____ too and then I distract her to stop the tears.

2. "No Kailee, you're sad b/c you know you made a bad choice." (pushing Allie, not sharing, not cleaning up her mess when asked to, throwing a fit, etc.)

1-11

As we're racing back and forth from cone to cone in our house, Allie says very excitedly, "this is FUN Mommy!"

1-11

A: "I'm hungry" all day everyday!

1-11

K: "I'm gonna T you up Dadio Patio" (T stands for time out)

A: "T to the O Daddy" (Time Out)

1-11

K: "I love you Mommy"

12-24-10

K: "This is the funnest day ever!"

12-10

In the middle of sacrament meeting at church:

A: "I need to go potty Mommy" (she's not potty trained)

Me: whispering "ok, go in your diaper and I'll change you."

A: very loudly and anxiously: "I need to go poo poos in the potty Mommy."

Jared: took Allie out in the hall, lol

Guess she wants me to potty train her :)

3-10

After I said the breaktfast blessing on the food...

K: "Mommy, why you not tell Heavenly Father thankyou for Jesus... Jesus is gonna be so sad."

3-10

K: :"When I was a baby I called you and Daddy ma ma and da da and now sometimes I call you Mommy and Daddy but right now I need to call you mama and dada."

3-10

For the first time in a long time, Kailee wet the bed during naptime. Me: "Kailee, why did you pee on the bed?"

K: "Because I wanted you to come get me."

Me: "Remember, mommy told you when you need to go potty, you get out of bed and go all by yourself."

K: "I KNOW Mommy, but I wanted you to come get me."

3-10

Allie: upon waking up (1st week being in same room w/ Kailee)she very enthusiastically says "HI.......HI.......(Louder) HI!!!" Still no answer. Kailee is still asleep. So, she gives up and plays with her socks and talks to herself.

3-10

A half hour after bedtime, the girls are not asleep. I hear noises. Kailee is out of bed. I turn on the stair lights to go upstairs and I hear footsteps run across the play room and a door shuts. Yep, Kailee was being sneaky. When I opened her door, she was getting back in her bed. I tell her she cannot get out of bed and if she does that again, she won't get to sleep in her room with Allie. She has a breakdown and says "But I need to read books now." Then I see a pile of books in her bed and I suddenly hear something thud on the ground behind me. I turn around and Allie is throwing books out of her crib. Kailee had gotten ALL of the books out of the play room and divided them b/t her and Allie. Kailee never gets out of her bed. This was a cute moment though. Silly girl. They immediately went to sleep after I gave them the go to sleep pep talk once again!

3-10

Allie: Everyday occurance "MINE!!!"

Every hour occurance: "Sna" (snack)

3-10

K: after we finished eating leftover mac n cheese for lunch..."we forgot to save some for Daddy... we are a silly gooser, huh?"

3-10

K: "my ouchie on my leg doesn't hurt really anymore because we said a prayer and Heavenly Father help me to feel ALL BETTER!"

3-10

Me: "Kailee, there are 2 spoons left, which one do you want?"

K: "Um... no thanks, I need a purple spoon out of the dishwasher that way it will match my shirt." She has OCD when it comes to everything matching!

3-10

Me: "Kailee, what are you doing sweetie?"

K: "I'm putting on my pajamas"

Me: (Still?? It's been like 5 mins.) "What's taking so long?"

K: "Um, probably forty minutes"

2-10

K: "Mommy, guess what... when my pullup is dry when I wake up, I get fruit snacks! (This is a rare occasion) But they are almost gone because Daddy almost ate them all gone. He is a snaky (sneaky) boy"

1-10

K: coughing "I'm sick Mommy, I need to go to the Doctor right now!"

1-10

K: "What's that Mommy?" (Pointing to my to do list)

Me: "It's a list of all the things I have to do today, I have to..."

K: "I have lots to do today too Mommy!"

Me: "Oh yeah, what do you have to do today?"

K: "I have to do puzzles, I have to eat lunch, I have to play lots, I have to do more puzzles, I have to watch a movie, and I have to look so pretty today." Toddlers really do have it made!!

1-10

K: crying on the potty "Mommy, OUCHIE"

Me: "Kailee, what's wrong sweetie?"

K: "OUCH, my poopies hurts, OUCHIE, I need medicine on my bum bum, OWWWWW, I need to eat vegetables right now. We need to have some brocollie for dinner." (This has happened before and I told her, well, you should have eaten all your vegetables last night, so now she eats them "so that her poo poos doesn't hurt.)

1-10

K: "Guess what Mommy... On February 9th, I'm gonna be threeeeeee!!!"

Me: "Yep, you're going to be so big I won't be able to carry you anymore!"

K: "I know I'm going to be so big, I'm going to be heavy. Maybe Allie can come to my birthday party???... and Daddy can come and Mommy can come too! I think I need a tinkerbell and a cinderella cake."

Me: "And what do you want to eat for breakfast on your birthday?"

K: "Pancakes"

Me: "Chocolate chip pancakes??" (which she's never had)

K: "Oh yeah, that sounds yummy, and maybe some chocolate syrup too."

Me: um, no :)

1-10

Me: "Guess what, Daddy is working late tonight, we're going to have a GIRLS NIGHT!!"

K: "Alright, where are we going?"

Me: carless, "we're going to stay here because you are sick, but you can help me cook dinner..."

K: "And maybe we can paint our nails, and you can take a bath with me and we can watch a movie!"

Me: "And eat popcorn and read books!"

K: "Yeah, it will be so fun!" We didn't get to the popcorn and movie part b/c she decided not to take a nap, so our girls night ended at 7pm when she went to bed, lol.

1-10

Me: "Thankyou for being one of my bestest friends in the whole world!"

Kailee: "Thankyou for helping me clean up my blocks Mommy." Anytime!

1-10

Me: "Kailee, where are you going today?"

K: "On a Daddy/Daughter date!!!!!"

Me: "Can I come?"

K: "No Mommy, just Daddy can come."

Me: "Where are you going?"

K: "I don't know where are we going, I want to get ice cream."

11-09

While on a walk with the girls.

Me: Talking about leaves and how they change colors when it gets cold outside.

Kailee: Yeah and temples change colors too.

11-09

It takes forever to put Kailee to bed because she has to do everything herself and does it very slowly. So, now we take turns getting to do everything (getting the toothbrush, putting the toothpaste on, picking out her pajamas, turning the music on, etc). This saves us 20 mins. every other night!

Me: "Alright Kailee, it's your turn tonight to pick your pajamas"

K: "Yep, mommy your turn is later"

On a different day when it was my turn...

K: "Can I help you with your turn? I need to help you pick my pajamas" She is so indecicive this takes forever b/c she looks through all of her pajamas. So, I picked 2 and let her choose 1 of them.

11-09

K: "Why do I have to go to bed now?"

Me: "Because it's bed time"

K: "Why is it bed time?"

Me: "Because it's late"

K: "Why is it late?"

Me: "Because it's dark outside"

K: "Why is it dark outside"

Me: "Because the sun went bye bye"

K: "Why did the sun go bye bye"

Me: I don't know "Because the day is over and it's night time now. I love you, nighty nights!" (Please no more questions, lol)

10-09

K: "Daddy's at work."

Me: "Yep, daddys at work, but he'll be home soon."

K: "Daddy sings lots, huh?"

Me: "Kailee, let's go potty, you drank a lot of water."

Kailee: "No thanks, I don't need to go pottys."

Me: "I need to go pottys."

Kailee: "No, I need to go potty's first."

Then we jokingly race to the potty and I let her beat me. Works every time!

Kailee: After putting her to bed, as I'm walking out of the room... "I need water, I need water."

Me: "You just had a sip of water silly goose"

Kailee: whining "But I need hugs"

Me: "You need more hugs, you just had hugs"

Kailee: "I need kisses"

Me: "More kisses"

Kailee: "I need lots of kisses"

Kailee: "You're going to the temple? I wanna come too."

Me: "I'm sorry sweetie, but you can't go until you're a little bigger. Mommy and Daddy are going on a date."

Kailee: "I'm gonna get married"

Me: "We're almost home and then Mommy will make us dinner."

Kailee: "No thankyou. I don't want dinner. I want Chick Fillet." Hilarious that she remembers us going there. She loves their chicken nuggets.

Me: "Sorry sweetie, eating out is expensive. We can't go to Chick Fillet all the time. Mommy will cook dinner at home."

Kailee: "But I think I need Chick Fillet." I don't think she knows needs vs. wants yet:)

Me: I'm on the last page of "My Sister's Keeper" and am balling my eyes out.

Kailee: "Mommy, what's wrong? You have ouchies? Come here, gimme hugs! It's okay Mommy." lol

Me: "No, just reading a sad book. I'm okay"

Kailee: confused "oh"

Me: "Time for bed, sweetie"

Kailee: "I can't go to bed right now, I need to talk to Jesus." Then she goes and gets a preschool chair, brings it to the living room, sits down, folds her arms, and says "I need to get baptized"

Jared: "How old do you have to be to get baptized?"

Kailee: "I need to be 8!"

Me: "Kailee, your snack is ready!"

Kailee: Very loudly and enthusiastically "Yay, yay, YAY, strawberries, YUM YUM, I LOOOOOOVE strawberries, thanks Mom, you're the BEST!"

Me: Kailee, you are not a baby, silly girl, you don't need to whine, you're a big girl!

Kailee: "No, I'm not a big girl, I'm a baby right now!"

Kailee and I were eating ice cream right when Jared is about to go jogging.

Jared: "Kailee, where's Daddy's ice cream?"

Kailee: points out her ice cream and Mommy's ice cream and says his is "uh...in da fridge." Kailee thought it was funny that we didn't get Daddy a bowl.

Kailee likes to yell "Stop it" a lot and I say "what did you say?" She then very sweetly says "stop peas." Our Family Home Evening lesson 2 weeks ago was on talking nicely. She's learning!

Kailee: "Mommy, I tooted...excuse me."

Kailee: "These are Kaiwee's panties".... "Daddy has panties too?"

Me: "Yes, Daddy has panties." lol Jared shot me the no I don't look!

Me: "Kailee, did you go poo poos in your panties?" (The first time she did this)

Kailee: "It's okay, it's poo poos, it's Kaiwees poo poos!"

She was very excited about her poo poos, but I had to explain to her that there's only reason to celebrate when it goes in the potty!

Me: "Kailee, don't make a mess"

Kailee: "It's okay Mommy, I payin (playing)"

(Oh okay, as long as your havin fun, make all the messes you want)

Kailee at the dinner table points to her plate that fell on the floor and says "that's a no no pate."

Me: "Kailee, did you go poo poos?"

K: "No, no poo poos."

Me: "Kailee, tell the truth, did you go poo poos?"

K: "Um..."

Me: "say yes mommy"

K: "Yes Mommy"

Me: "Do you want me to change your diaper?"

K: "No Mommy"

Me: "Kailee, poo poos are yucky, should we go change your diaper and get all clean?"

K: "Yes honey"

Me: "Kailee, is it Mommy's turn to say prayers?"

Kailee: "No....Kaiwee's turn."

Me: "Dear Heavenly Father"

K: "Dear Fadder..Tankyou...for...MommyDaddy...Allie... Ganny...Nana...Ocean,Edie"

Me: "Help us"

K: "Adam...Jamie...Pincess Bella... church...nursery...Bess (Bless)..."

K: "Mommy, Cindy hungy, cindy raisins" She already had put her doll Cindy in the high chair. I gave her a small bowl of raisins and she put a few on the high chair for Cindy and then ate the rest, lol.

Anytime Kailee sees me doing anything she yells "Pincess Bella" and runs and gets her princess chair and pushes it to where I am so she can stand on it and help me. She even insists on taking it into the bathroom to turn on the light by herself or to her closet to get her coat by herself. She is becoming so independent.

EVERYTHING is silly to Kailee. Anytime I do anything like blow on her face, dance, or pretend to go nite nites, Kailee yells "silly Mommy!" If a cup is on the ground, Kailee says "silly cup." If a cracker falls on the floor, "silly cacker." If Kailee can't find her juice, "silly juice."

Daily Kailee asks me "where pincess bella go?"

Me: "I don't know, where'd she go?"

Kailee: "she she went bye byes?"

Me: "Yep, she's hiding, but we'll find her soon!"

Kailee lost her princess toothbrush over a week ago, but she thinks about her daily.

When Jared goes into the bathroom...

Kailee: "Daddy go pee pees poo poos"

Me: "Yep, Daddy went to the bathroom"

K: "Silly Daddy"